How White Male Fragility Disrupts Daily Life

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  • Tyler James Colby

    If you told your stories truthfully and correctly, there is absolutely *no* indication that race (yours or his) had anything to do with anything – only your assumptions. The first was two adults acting like children over a parking spot. The second was a man who clearly misrepresented your body language.
    I see this all the time in these”think”-pieces: a black person (usually, like Brittany Cooper, a woman) has an encounter with a rude person (or, like your first story, you BOTH were rude; you BOTH thought the other was in the wrong) and even though race is *never* mentioned or even , without fall, is always the first thing you people (writers, not blacks, so settle down) jump to.
    A guy thought he was entitled to a parking spot, you thought you were entitled to the same spot, and were both in a hurry, yet instead of it being a battle of stubborn wills it’s RACISM!
    And, aside from in your own paranoid mind, how is a disagreement, where racism was not present in words or actions, and where you behaved just as childish and combative could you possibly *know*, not *assume* there was any racist intent? Unless, of course, you are able to read people’s thoughts – if that’s the case then I apologize and would direct you to the One Million Dollar Paranormal Challenge and make yourself a rich woman.
    Something should also be said about a woman, being just a combative, wearing a t-shirt which lets everyone know she relishes in not showing or giving respect (which by default means she doesn’t deserve it either) is demanding it for herself. Ah, the sweet taste of irony.

  • Tyler James Colby

    If you told your stories truthfully and correctly, there is absolutely *no* indication of race (yours or his) had anything to do with anything. The first was two adults acting like children over a parking spot. The second was a man who clearly misrepresented your body language.
    See, I see this all the time in these”think”-pieces: a black person (usually, like Brittany Cooper, a woman) has an encounter with a rude person (or, like your first story, you BOTH were rude: you BOTH thought the other was in the wrong) and even though race is *never* mentioned is always the first thing you jump to.
    A guy thought he was entitled to a parking spot, you thought you were entitled to the same spot, and were both in a hurry, yet instead of it being a battle of stubborn wills it’s RACISM!
    And, aside from in your own paranoid mind, how is a disagreement, where racism was not present in words or actions, and where you behaved just as childish and combative could you possibly *know*, not *assume* there was any racist intent? Unless, of course, you are able to read people’s thoughts – if that’s the case then I apologize and would direct you to the One Million Dollar Paranormal Challenge and make yourself a rich woman.
    Something should also be said about a black woman, wearing a t-shirt which let’s everyone know she doesn’t care to show you respect (and is thus not deserving of it herself) demanding it from someone else. Ahh. Sweet irony.

    • That you managed to read anything into my presence in the first situation as “childish” or “rude” tells me exactly what you are about.

      There is no way that me waiting on a one way street for a park (where no one else is waiting) and then having someone reverse toward me (unlawfully and against traffic on a congested street), nearly hitting my car makes me rude. What happened is that he probably assumed I was parking in the other spot (incorrectly). The not rude thing to do would have been to simply ask me and then drive away once I indicated that I wasn’t taking the other spot. That’s what normal people do.

      However, this White male thought it more prudent to curse at me, scream, and block my car which was already halfway in the spot. I wasn’t rude at all actually. He, on the other hand, was exerting his masculinity and attempting to bully me out of a park.

      To your final point about me not deserving respect because of a t-shirt, you sound just like the racists who think a hoodie means that young Black people deserve to be shot and killed. In addition, you clearly have no familiarity with AAVE since you don’t understand the difference between “respectable”‘ and “respectful.” You should get clear on that before trolling another site owned, operated, and targeting young Black people.

      Lastly, whether you *choose* to see how this situation or this man’s behavior was informed by race is insignificant. Truth is, had I been another White male, I am sure both of these situations would have gone a lot differently.

      • Chris

        You are a very sad individual. It must be horrible to live in your paranoid victimized mind. Life is so short good luck on your journey – Peace

    • Ohh boy

      I can’t deal with her opinion articles. I just found them and have went back and read a few. They are littered with bigotry and I couldn’t agree more with you assessment of this article. In the original article while she does say he was rude she does not mention him cursing her. Below she now says he cursed her. Her whole article is nothing but assumptions about the reasoning of another races actions.

      • You either can’t read or didn’t read. The article clearly states:

        “I realized that he was probably irrational and frustrated about something that had nothing to do with me. I decided not to engage with him further. As I walked away, I heard him call me a “fucking dumb ass” vowing not to move his car. ”

        If you are going to comment here, you need to provide quality feedback and commentary. Otherwise, you can simply find somewhere else to troll.

        • Ohh boy

          It’s social media I think I can comment where I please. Why post if you only want responses that fit your narrative. My distaste for your article does not constitute trolling. I stand corrected and for that I apologize. I have to confess I could only stomach about a quarter of what you wrote so it stands to reason that I didn’t get to all of it. Your article is still nothing but bigoted assumptions on what that man felt about the situation. You both behaved childishly. Not every white person that gets into a standoff with you is doing so because you’re African American. Maybe he had a bad day or maybe both of you are just giant pains in the ass that felt you deserved the space more than the other.

          • It’s actually not social media. This is a privately owned and operated web space for Black millennials to discuss particular issues we face. You do not have the right to comment where you please because I can simply block you. Also, you are trolling because this is one of many comments you have posted in the past few days across several articles to disrupt dialogue on issues and replace it with your opinions of me and my writing. Feel free to share those thoughts on actual social media sites like Twitter or Facebook. But, here, we are looking to foster real dialogue. Lastly, as someone who didn’t even read the full article, your opinion about my conclusions is irrelevant.

          • Ohh boy

            Well there you have it you can block me …doesn’t matter. It’s not really private if shows up on Disqus where anyone can register to comment. Btw blogs are in fact social media. Just because you think I was trolling doesn’t make it so. I read several of your bs blogs and commented my opinion. The internet is not really the safe space you wish it could be. I would hardly call you a millennial(what they stand for not the age) You just stoke the fire of hate. Why was the man you had a silly parking lot battle with the one with fragility when you’re the one whining about it on the internet.

  • redcan

    Contrary to popular belief, black people can be racist. That’s what’s going on in your post. You had a misunderstanding with the guy trying to get what you thought was your spot. That happens everywhere everyday. He saw it differently than you. Nobody has a perfect vantage. To be honest, you are both assholes. Think about this: he finally relented. That probably makes you the bigger asshole. Another thing you did is pretty racist. You made the link that because the other person was white and male, that his behavior is based on his race and/or gender. Wow. You know how much you detest the idea of black people being pulled over more because they are black. You detest that because cops do the same thing you just did and generalized one group of people as suspect. That’s what you are doing when you chalk up some asshole’s behavior to his whiteness or maleness. Congratulations, you are the very sort of person you despise. It happens to me all the time. Somebody infringes on me. Black people, white people, women, men, anybody. I could assume they are assholes and stand my ground – like you did. Or I can be the adult in the situation and realize that I may not have a perfect understanding of the situation, give them the benefit of the doubt and just let it go. If there is any aspect of life that gives white people privilege, it is this: if someone confronts a white person for being an asshole, they have to consider the possibility that their behavior is wrong. They do not have the luxury of chalking up the exchange to what they believe are racist views or everybody else. When I self reflect in those instances – it gives me a chance to modify my behavior, so I’m not so much of an asshole the next time. It does not sound like you’ve had that privilege, because your still acting like an asshole.

  • redcan

    One more thing: white male fragility. It would be more offensive if I didn’t feel sorry for you. Fragility is weakness. Imagine if I generalized all black females as weak because they are black and female. Wouldn’t that be incredibly racist and sexist? (Hint: yes it would). If you think people don’t respect you enough, it is probably because you don’t respect them. Just trying to help.

  • Viky

    I just discovered your site from Awesomely Luvvie so I’m catching up on a few articles. I completely agree with you that there is a distinct portion of the United States who believe that only certain people have value. That population believes that the poor deserve to be poor, that the honest labor of one is worth less than the honest labor of another, and that even the lives of one are worth less than the lives of the other. This (now pervasive) belief is representing itself in our economy, in our government policies, in the courts, in the jails and in our police stations. I do believe it is driven by fear — that a way of life is slipping away and their dominance is no longer assured. Fragility is a very kind way to describe that behavior. I’m grateful to your voice to help me understand better.

  • Alex

    Firstly, you are my hero. You dealt with the situation fantastically, and with a lot more grace than I would have.
    Secondly, you are absolutely right. We, white people, need to grow up and deal with this. Racism is an issue that was created and is perpetuated by the white race. The burden of fixing the problem should not be put on the people who are victims of the system. We have to stop putting our comfort over the lives and safety of people of color.
    Thank you for writing this article. The fact that you’re willing to explain these issues in such a gentle way, despite the fact that you clearly have to deal with these experiences all the time, is truly amazing.