The 2012 RNC was Full of Shenanigans, Half-truths and Whole-lies

RNC_logoThis week was the Republican National Convention (RNC). It took place in Tampa, Florida. It was an interesting time and place but the Reps convened nonetheless. Many expected a jubilant spectacle in support of Gov. Mitt Romney and Congressman Paul Ryan. Instead, there was an impressive arsenal of powerhouse Republican leaders and speakers primed to berate President Obama and his tenure in office.

One of the most impressive words were shared by the infamous Clint Eastwood. You may have heard that he did an entire speech while talking to an empty chair with an imaginary President Obama firmly seated in it (apparently cursing at and denigrating Mr. Eastwood).


Well, President Obama stopped by the Water Cooler during the convention just to talk about the happenings. He gave us permission to post our side of the conversation. You know, this is similar to the conversation Clint Eastwood had with President Obama at the RNC only this one was well-planned and orchestrated.

Hey Obama, grab a cup at the Water Cooler. Let’s have a chat.

Oh, hey again Obama. Did you see that speech from Governor Martinez?


That’s the same thing I said man. Like really? I think it is wonderful that she is the first Hispanic female governor. Yes, I found her pretty impressive. But you know what I didn’t understand Obama? She said that little girls run up to her in the market just to give her a hug. But all I could think was, you want to represent little girls in the supermarket? Righht, but only if they are abstinent until marriage, never need equal pay for equal work, and have no intention of owning their own bodies, right, right? haha. I know that’s harsh but she said it right? Yeah I know, she is supposed to appeal to women because Romney needs women to think he likes them. Yeah catch you later. This RNC is sooo funny. Hit me up after Condy.

Hey Obama, yeah, it’s Jenn. What? Oh you saw that speech from Condy LOL.


Yeah I know. I thought it was pretty great. But, did she mention the War in Iraq? Oh wait, yeah I know, she has to pretend like those 8 years before the 2008 elections never happened. Did you hear that funny part where she paralleled the GOP of the fifties to the Reagan GOP? LMBO. I know hilarious. Does she really think that we forgot that Reagan came up with the whole welfare mother thing? haha yeah. Oh, and the whole “trickle down” economics thing. Haha. Well, I think the trickle thing has some merit. Maybe we are expecting this trickle to be like a water faucet when it is more like a drain pipe. We need to wait longer and at some point, when we least expect it, BOOM, success will trickle down to us. She’s a hoot. Yeah, I need my trickle to be more like a pour too. Okay, okay. We can talk later. Congressman Ryan is coming up.

Hey! My man, OBAMA! Duuuude. HIGH-larious stuff from Congressman Ryan.


Wait wait, he blamed YOU for the credit downgrade! LOLOLOLOL. He was like “the last four years” were whack! LOLOL. He tryna get it in, he tryna get it in. He tryna punk you Obama. Haha, right, that’s what I’m sayin. Like, did he forget that it was his party that never once since you took office put a jobs bill on the House floor for a vote? I mean, did he forget that that factory in his hometown that closed would be akin to several thousand more had you not passed the stimulus package? Oh, and, that factory that he mentioned you were responsible for, it closed in Dec 2008 (before you were elected). What? I know. You should have retroactively enacted the auto bailout to save all previously closed factories. DUH. Haha, I was like, wow, really? wow. Yeah, yeah, hit me later.

Ooooh snap, Obama, he told you. He said YOU took $716 billion out of Medicare HAHAHAHA. I know, I know. Stop laughin Obama, he kept going. I know right? He didn’t tell the lap dogs in the audience that he proposed an economic package with the EXACT same amount of money taken from Medicare and handed it to the super-rich while your plan reallocated the dollars to medical practitioners and consumers. LOL. I was watching and I was like “whaaa, hunh, say whaa?” “Somebody has gotsta be punkin me!” He said he wants to help the middle class!!! Hahaha, by giving tax breaks to the rich LOL. Oh, stop it stop it. I can’t I can’t. Ha, ok cool. I’ll hit you later.

Obama, Obama, did you hear that patna? He said your supporters are laying in their childhood bedrooms looking at faded Obama posters! Oooh, burn! Burn! {snaps three times in a Z}. They mad…they still mad cause no one with a modern education will rock the Romney flag. Hunh Obama? No, he didn’t say anything about current events or issues. No, he didn’t discuss his prior support of the term “forcible rape” and “legitimate rape” with Todd Akin. What? No, nothing about the economy or his record. No, he didn’t talk about Romney’s prior support for bankruptcy of the auto companies. Nope, no not at all. He didn’t mention women’s issues or college tuition. No, he didn’t talk about the Republican Party’s official platform which is against abortion in ALL cases (including rape and incest). He did mention Zeppelin and AC/DC though. Yeah, he has an iPod so he is obviously a cool dude. Yeah cool. Holla at me later.

WOW, yeah Obama, it’s Jenn again. Un hunh. I heard it. Congressman Ryan started talking about Romney. He said the credit rating in Massachusetts went up when Romney was governor. No, he didn’t mention that it was due to the healthcare bill Romney called his crowning glory, framed in a picturesque image on his governor’s desk, and referred to as one of his greatest accomplishments while in office. Yeah, I know that your bill is virtually identical. Yeah, I know Obamneycare is the same thing. Yeah, haha. Yeah, call you later.

Okay, Barack, can I call you that? Cool. Barack, I watched the whole thing. Yeah, it was pretty tough. Ummm, no. I have no idea what his stance is on abortion or healthcare. What? No, I have no idea what they plan to do with the economy. Un unh. No. Nothing. He didn’t really talk about that stuff. I do know one thing though. He thinks you SUCK! He does not support your goal to expand medicare to a larger audience, provide affordable options for quality education for high school graduates, give women the rights to their own bodies, or to work toward an America that helps people at the bottom. But you know what though, he likes his mom. And his wife is cool. What? Yeah. Don’t trip. You still got my vote. Tell Michelle, Malia, and Sasha I said wassup. Oh yeah, I been posting this transcript on my Facebook page. Is that cool? Cool. See you at the White House in January. Romney is on tomorrow. Goodnight.

The next day…

Hey…yeah. Wassup Obama, I mean, Barack. Yeah, I know I said I would hit you back but I’m just kind of down. Why? Umm, I just watched Rubio and Romney address the RNC.


Why am I down? Well, him and Marco Rubio basically said that you are only American if you believe in God. He said that the fundamental ingredient in American identity is the belief in God. What does that mean for American Muslims, Hindus, and Buddhists? Are they un-American? So, they basically just told me that some of the people I care about and enjoy having in my life are un-American right? I know. You believe that American traits lie in American values of truth, liberty, equal opportunity, and basic fairness to all people. But people cheered for that so it kind of broke my heart. Yeah. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I’ll be okay. K, talk to you later.


Ay, Barack. Yeah, I am feeling better now. Did you hear that line about you raising taxes on the middle class? I don’t know, you don’t know where he got that from? I guess he was just making something up again. No, I really didn’t get much else out of it. He said something about being against Putin and Iran going nuclear-__-. Oh, and he called you divisive and racist or something. What? yeah, apparently he thinks you are the one that got us in the recession. Apparently you haven’t delivered on your promise to clean up Bush’ mess overnight. Hahaha, yeah I know. I mean, it’s not like jobless rates, consumer spending, and GDP is improving. What? No, he didn’t mention anything about the auto bailout and his desire to see American auto manufacturers go bankrupt. No, he didn’t get into that. Yeah, I’ll watch some more and hit you up later. Peace.

Barack, Barack, Ba-to-da-rack. Naw, I wouldn’t worry about it. Romney really rambled for a few minutes about hearts, mothers, and fathers for the second half. He talked about God’s love at some point. He talked about his mom and dad. Hunh? you fell asleep? Aw cmon man. You gotta watch it. No, he didn’t tell anyone that the comment about women from his mother was because his mom was pro-choice. Oh you heard that too? Yeah, he called Bain Capital a small business. I was like hunh what-tha-what? Truthfully man, lemme give it to you straight. Romney wants me to believe that he likes cars and women. Why? Because he hates cars and women. Well, he likes all of HIS cars and his WOMAN’s cars. What Rock-tuh-duh? Yeah, I fell asleep too. Yeah, patna, I got you. Like I said, I’ll see you at the White House in January.

Hey sir! You know what I thought was pretty funny? Romney criticized your background. Yeah, I know you heard it too. He didn’t even mention that he, too, holds a law degree from Harvard Law. You know what I think Mr. President? I think if you study law, it makes you uninformed, unprepared, and inexperienced. But, if HE goes to Harvard Law, it makes him well-rounded and intelligent. I keep forgetting how double-standards work. Thanks for the chat. Peace.

Oh, and Barack, stop apologizing! I mean geesh. We can’t be going around telling folks that we are sorry for the messed up crap that we do. I know, I know. You have integrity and manners. But, regardless of all that, invading folks’ countries abroad, jumping into to women’s egg sacks, and relying on invisible money to fund two un-budgeted wars all while lowering taxes on the rich, granting loop holes to civic responsibility, and providing corporations with giant welfare checks (Exxon for example) is nothing to be sorry for. WE BUILT THAT! And, by “we” I mean Republicans. K, goodnight Mr. President.

Okay, now all silliness aside, the thing that was the most disturbing about the RNC this week was that no one actually told us anything about Romney/Ryan, the Republican Party platform, or how the nominated regime would actually improve the state of the economy. And, most of Congressman Ryan’s speech was farce (Source).

And, if Romney has mastered the art of half truths and whole lies, how can we possibly take him seriously as a candidate (Source). Let’s be real. We all remember what happened in this country from 2000 – 2008. There is a reason we have a hippocampus, you know, the piece of the brain that helps with storing short-term and long-term memory. We all know what Romney did in Massachusetts. Let’s have a real debate about the issues and how they fit into the framework we KNOW to be in existence based on the decisions we KNOW were made.


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Jenn M. Jackson

Jenn M. Jackson, PhD is a co-Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Water Cooler Convos. She is a native of Oakland, CA. Jenn is a radical Black feminist scholar who believes none of us are free until all of us are free.